


Midnight Talks

by ouranose



Series: Houses Competition 2017 (on ffdotnet) [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff, M/M, remus is terrified of the night, sirius has nightmares, they're both scared of the future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-20 01:43:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11910606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ouranose/pseuds/ouranose
Summary: Sirius has nightmares and Remus can't sleep.





	Midnight Talks

Nights were Remus Lupin's least favorite time of the day. There was something haunting about the shadows the moon cast, something other-worldly about the way the entire world seemed like it was holding it's breath. They were the best time for him to think. There were times that he'd let his mind wander to other places, giving the little person in his brain a chance to adventure and find his way around these mystical and unfamiliar worlds. Sometimes there would be a never ending circuit of worry and panic that would flood over every other thought, and he would stare into the dark, a loop of this, this, and this going through his head.

Tonight was one such night. Exams were on the way, and although Remus spent as much time as he could studying, he felt unprepared and in a way almost lost to the concept of them. He could do it, he knew. He'd taken tests before, these were hardly any different. Although he'd been reassuring himself of this since the thoughts started plaguing him, he couldn't help but allow a steady stream of what-if's and the anxiety that followed them.

Passing or failing opened up an entire dungeon of possibilities. Even on top of that, who would hire a werewolf? Who would allow the inevitable danger and the unpredictable actions of a monster on their staff? Remus could think of no one.

"Hey Moony, are you awake?" The voice of Sirius Black startled Remus from his thoughts. He didn't respond for a moment, almost too terrified to speak. In the dark you couldn't be sure that those around you couldn't see into your head. You couldn't be sure that they were even who they were pretending to be. Sirius let out a sigh, and he heard the blankets on the bed next to him shift.

"Yeah, I am." Remus didn't know why he was talking, the last thing he needed right now was to be around  _Sirius Black._  He took a minute to think about Sirius, to think about the way he smiled, and the way he kept his hair out of his face when they were in their dorm with a thick black band that he'd gotten from a Slytherin girl. He let himself think about the way Sirius made his heart stutter when he laughed at one of his jokes, or made him blush when he made a suggestive comment. He definitely didn't need to be around him. "What's up, mate?"

He heard Sirius shift again, probably turning to face him. A shiver ran down Remus' spine at the possibility that the darkness exposed much more than he was ready to reveal. "How are you?" Sirius' voice shook.

Remus didn't respond right away, he turned so that he was facing Sirius even though he couldn't see him. "Fine, and you?"

"Fine… I'm fine." Sirius didn't  _sound_  fine.

"You sure?" Was all Remus could bring himself to say. Although he knew that he was important to his friends he didn't want to push any boundaries or make them uncomfortable.

"...Yeah, bad dream."

"Oh… you wanna talk about it?"

"No." More movement from the bed beside his, "Thank you."

"Alright."

It was silent for awhile, and while Remus stared into the inky abyss before him, he felt himself drifting slowly off. There was something unsettling about feeling yourself fall asleep; almost like you're losing control of your body and something else is taking over while that happens. It was an awful sensation, and it was the only way Remus could get any rest. His eyes closed slowly, his breathing slowing. Distantly, he heard more movement, and then footsteps. He didn't put any thought to it, sleep more important than noise.

Someone sitting on the edge of his bed woke him right up. He felt the mattress dip near his ankles, and then the weight of someone leaning their entire body weight against his frame. He thought, for one terrifying moment, that this was a nightmare, and that he was going to die in it. He forced his eyes open, straining to see into the dark to figure out who was trying to suffocate him. He didn't have to try too hard, before a voice spoke right next to his ear, hot and uncomfortable in the dark.

"Moony, can you come with me?"

"Where are we going?"

"I-I feel like I'm suffocating. I just need to get some fresh air." Sirius sat up, and Remus followed him, keeping a distance between them by pressing his back against his pillows. Although he couldn't see him, he knew that Sirius was probably looking down at his hands twisting over themselves. Remus couldn't quite remember when his nightmares started. It might have been before they even came to Hogwarts. There were some nights when he'd hear Sirius breathing heavily, as if he'd just ran a marathon. There were some nights when he'd hear him crying. On a few occasions Remus had offered an ear, and even a hug if he needed it. On most occasions Remus would pretend to be asleep so he didn't make Sirius uncomfortable, or feel guilty.

"Alright." Remus stretched his legs over the bed, his foot smacking Sirius on it's way around. They carefully made their way across the room, old floorboards creaking under their weight. Neither bothered to grab their cloaks - the nights had been unseasonably warm as of late, and they didn't need to risk forgetting something they hadn't even used. Remus let Sirius lead, not sure of an acceptable area for them to get air. He figured maybe by the Great Lake, there was a tree near the shore that provided pretty good coverage from any prying eyes in the castle.

Instead of going down though, Sirius led them up, up and up, down hallways that Remus probably would have known in the daylight, but didn't in the dark. The night was far less disconcerting while Sirius was in front of him. He focused on the outline of his shoulders, the black shirt stretched across them giving no indication, no glimpse of the pretty skin hiding underneath it. His hair was pulled up, exposing a pretty nape. Remus burned this into his memory.

The moonlight slanting in through the open windows of the castle made Remus flinch. It wasn't a full moon, he didn't feel the way he normally felt - but that didn't take any of his fear away. Remus thought that maybe his fear of losing control of himself was tied to his inability to sleep. He followed Sirius closely, focusing on the here and now.

He was here, walking through the castle in the middle of night with Sirius Black. Sirius Black was wearing a black shirt and his hair was pulled up into a bun to keep it out of his face while he slept. He was just as attractive in the moonlight as he was in the sunlight. The air smelled like dust and nature, the breeze that flowed from the window bit against his bare arms. His eyes felt heavy and his feet felt like they were dragging.

Finding the astronomy tower was easier than Remus had believed it could be in the middle of the night. Sirius knew every turn of the castle, taking them expertly as if he'd traveled them hundreds of times. "Come here often?" Remus couldn't stop himself from asking.

Sirius turned toward him, a brow raised. He grinned when he figured out that it had been intended as a dig at his romantic life, "I've visited it a few times." Remus tried not to let the words hit him like a punch to the gut. It really didn't matter who he'd visited with. Sirius walked forward, leaning his torso against the battlement lazily. He looked up to the sky, eyes traveling across the sea of stars. He turned around, "What are you doing, Moony? You look so uncomfortable."

He felt uncomfortable, "I'm not a fan of heights," he said instead.

Sirius nodded, pushing away from the edge. He stopped in front of Remus, and looked at him curiously, "Moony, why don't you sleep?"

Remus snorted, "You don't beat around the bush, do you?" He sat down, stretching his legs out ahead of him. "Why don't you?"

Sirius sat next to him, still staring at him with the same expression, "Well, you already know the answer to that, don't you?" Remus shrugged, and Sirius took a deep and uneven breath, "I have nightmares sometimes… Sometimes I think that staying awake is better than having them." He looked up to the sky again.

Remus took this opportunity to look at him, his face was thinning, the dark circles under his eyes slowly becoming more pronounced. He wondered if there was more to it than  _just_  nightmares. Sirius looked back and then blushed, a frown forming. He pulled his knees to his chest and hid his face against them. "C'mon, mate," he said, "don't look at me like that. I answered - it's your turn."

"I'm scared of the night." It was such an impulsive half-truth that Remus hadn't even been positive the words had come out of his mouth. Sirius blinked at him a moment before narrowing his eyes.

"If you're scared wouldn't sleeping be a better way to make it pass faster?"

Remus shook his head, "I… can't explain it. I feel like I don't deserve it - I don't you know, deserve to sleep… I don't know, it's complicated." He sighed, holding up his hands in defeat. It really was impossible, how could Remus explain it when he himself didn't understand it? Sirius just nodded slowly, thoughtfully. After a moment he let out what sounded like a mix between a sigh and a chuckle.

"We really are mad, aren't we?"

Remus smiled, "Yeah, probably."

Sirius fell back, his hands landing behind his head. He watched the stars, eyes moving and tracing constellations. Remus glanced up but looked back to Sirius. He'd never been very good with Astronomy, he'd never been able to keep the names of the constellations straight. With his left hand Sirius patted the ground by his face, right behind Remus, "Lay with me, Moony."

Remus rolled his eyes, allowing the temporary rush of adoration towards the man beside him to take over his movements. Completely by coincidence and not at all on purpose so that they could be brushing fingertips, Remus rested his head right next to Sirius. If they both turned  _just_  enough they would be kissing. Remus kept his face facing up.

"What are your plans for after we leave?"

Remus turned his head to the left slightly, "Leave?"

"Yeah, you know, Hogwarts."

"Oh," he said, thinking. How could he explain that he didn't see a future for himself without sounding too pessimistic. He settled with, "Don't know, really. Maybe I'll travel."

Sirius let out an amused breath, "Not gonna lie to you Moons, I never took you for a wanderlust type."

Remus shrugged, "Don't know if I'd call it 'wanderlust' so much as a desire to be away from everything that already knows what's wrong with me." Sirius didn't respond for a moment, and then he sat up abruptly.

"What do you mean what's wrong with you?" His voice was a roar through the night.

Remus gestured towards himself, not moving his body otherwise, "Uh, werewolf." Sirius looked him up and down, before scowling.

"It's not like you chose to be a werewolf," Sirius said through gritted teeth. Remus sat up slowly, taken aback by the passion that Sirius exhibited. "You're fine the way you are - you're a good man." Sirius glared at him for another moment, before he softened his expression, leaning forward, and kissing Remus gently on the forehead.

He sat back, his face slightly flushed, and a pout on his lips. Remus watched him in disbelief, unsure of how to respond. That had just happened, hadn't it? It wasn't some trick of the mind, right?

"Hey Moony, what kind of weather do you think Ireland has in June?" Sirius settled back down, his arms outstretched above him now. Remus looked down at him, eyes tracing the outlines of his face. He smiled softly, his survey of Sirius' face ending at his eyes.

"I'd imagine it'd be similar to ours, Padfoot." Remus sat back, all of his weight on his hands. "What are your thoughts on Italy?" Sirius raised a suggestive brow.


End file.
